Secret Tub Fun 7 - Celestia

"The Court of Immortals acknowledges Princess Celestia, Three-Fold Equine, Princess of Equestria, Queen of the Sun, Empress of the Waking, Toppler of Mountains, Sword of Equinity," barked a voice, low and stentorian. "Welcome, Princess Celestia! Hail Princess Celestia!"

Hooves shod in orichalcum rang against the ancient marble of the Court as the Sun-Queen stepped through the pillars framing the entrance to the Court. She held her head proudly, neck arched just so, as she stepped through the vaulting entryway into the open-air court. Her hoofsteps rang out with musical notes as she passed the great table and its empty seats, listing off the positions from memory.

There would be Crom, her oldest and dearest friend besides her sister. She suppressed a smile at the prospect of seeing him again; this was supposed to be a solemn event, after all. Even still, she couldn't keep it off of her face entirely, and had to look away from the Court Herald as she passed him to hide her faltering façade. There would be the Wind Kings just beyond him, sitting in seats decorated with symbols of their directions. Their entourage of Guardians would flank them in smaller chairs of their own. Still further, toward the end of the table furthest from Celestia, would sit the Seven Siblings, or they would when they arrived, of course. And finally, at the opposite end of the table, would be her notably absent sister.

As First among Immortals, she was the first to be given entrance to the Court, with only the Court Herald allowed in front of her. It was part of the procession; a ritualistic parade of each of the Immortals in turn, starting with the Sun. The Exalted Guardians were behind them, trailing their patrons. Lastly, Luna would bring up the rear and close the circle, ending the day.

Of course, Luna hadn't been able to make it for some time, and still wasn't. Celestia bit the inside of her cheek to keep from sighing as she settled herself in the cool marble of her throne at the head of the table. Luna was still fragile from her ordeal. Restoring her power to its untwisted state had taken a toll on the younger Immortal. She was recovering, just slowly. Celestia held a secret hope that her sister would have wanted to attend Court, to begin her return to full health again, but the younger Princess had said she still didn't feel up to making it.

Oh well… Maybe next time, I suppose?

She looked up as the Court Herald read off the next name.

"The Court of Immortals acknowledges Crom, Great in His Mountain, The Hundred-Fold Lord, Keeper of Secrets, Sovereign of the Soil. Welcome, Crom! Hail Crom!"

Celestia's face lit up as she watched the entrance to the Court, her eyes shining with excitement at seeing her old friend again. She couldn't hide a slight, unregal wiggle of her shoulders, and had to stop herself from preening. Crom was handsome, after all, and dashing. And brave. And handsome. Even after all these thousands of years, he could still put a spring in her step just by smiling at her. She'd definitely have to make time for him… After official business was concluded, of course! A giggle broke the sober silence of the court, which Celestia quickly stifled behind a hoof. Her small, decidedly non-royal smile grew wider as she watched.

"In absentia."

Oh.

…Right.

He wasn't coming this time, either. Celestia frowned and thought back to his reasoning. I remember, yes. He went missing several hundred years ago. I remember… him retreating under the earth, looking haggard and horrible. Her frown deepened and her shoulders sunk. That's right. He'd gone feral. Too much time underground chasing secrets, the Siblings had said. It had… changed him. She couldn't suppress a sigh this time. The Court Herald looked up from his paper at his Princess with an apologetic stare.

Celestia's giggle fluttered among the columns like a mocking echo.

"Ah, The Court of Immortals acknowledges King Boreas Septentrio, Lord of the North Wind, Sovereign of Winter, and Father of the Ursa Major. Welcome, King Boreas! Hail King Boreas!"

Celestia's face lightened slightly. Boreas was a dour stick in the mud, but had a surprisingly sharp sense of humor when he allowed himself to indulge in it. She remembered him deep in his cups one starry evening before… Nightmare Moon, when he had had his children dance for him. It was quite a sight, seeing a dozen hundred-foot tall star-bears waltz.

"In absentia."
               
No one walked up the marble steps and took their place at the table.

Boreas, too? But I remember seeing him only just last decade! Celestia shook her head. Wait. No, she hadn't. She frowned deeper, her alabaster brow knitting. Oh… He was the first to disappear into his own realm. That's right. She sighed and smoothed her brow as she watched the Court Herald tried to regain his voice under the gaze of his Princess.

"The Court of Immortals acknowledges King Eurus Volturnus, Lord of the East Wind, Sovereign of Spring, and Father of the Imp. Welcome, King Eurus! Hail King Eurus!"

Celestia braced herself. Eurus, she knew, had gone shortly after his brother. He retreated into the East and shut himself inside his bower and didn't come out. Celestia hadn't the heart to go after him, and neither had anyone else. She let him pine in solitude.

"In absentia."

"The Court of Immortals acknowledges King Notos Auster, Lord of the Southern Wind, Sovereign of Summer, and Father of the Cockatrice. Welcome, King Notos! Hail King Notos! In absentia."

Fat lot of good that did anyone… Poor, gentle Zephyrus let apathy take him away not long afterward. I remember now. Another sigh echoed through the still-empty court. Notos was last, of course. He stayed nearly as long as Crom had. And then… he just leapt onto his sirocco and sped off to the south. I don't think anyone's heard anything of him in hundreds of years.  Gods, has it really been so long?

Celestia's ears pinned back and her head lowered slightly.

"The Court of Immortals acknowledges King Zephyrus Favonius, Lord of the West Wind, Sovereign of Autumn, and King of the Hydra. Welcome, King Zephyrus! Hail King Zephyrus!"

Was there anyone still left?

"In absentia."

At least the Siblings hadn't gone. Cold and distant they may be; they're at least still peers of mine. I can talk to them, kind of, without having to worry about making some faux pas and setting them off, or mentioning anything even remotely connected with the moon, and sending the poor dear into fits. It'll be good to finally talk to someone without them bowing or scraping or having to walk on eggshells around them. Celestia set her gaze hopefully on the entranceway to the Court as the Herald cleared his throat and continued to read.

"The Court Acknowledges the Seven Siblings of the Stars! Sirius the Constant! Canopus Most-Bright! Arcturus of the Many Eyes! Vega Woe-Seer! Rigel Furthest-Seeing! Procyon Fortune-Bringer! Betelgeuse the Eldest! Keepers of the Tapestry of Fates, and Most-Wise of the Immortals! Welcome, Seven Siblings! Hail the Seven Siblings!"

Celestia's ears flicked back and forth as hope and fear warred within her. She never saw much of them, but they had never failed the Court when they were needed most. And I can talk to them!

"In absentia."

Celestia heaved a gusty sigh. "Of course they are."

The Court Herald, an elderly stallion who, despite his advanced age, was still bright-eyed and well-muscled, swallowed hard and looked up from his scroll. "I apologize, your Majesty. I merely report the same thing my father's father told me. The Siblings are gone, too." He shifted uneasily. "If you like, your Majesty, I can stop."

"No, no, continue. You might as well."

"…Very well, your Majesty."

Celestia bit her tongue. She remembered now; they were all gone. Those that hadn't left by the time her sister had let her power twist and warp in on itself, turning her into the hateful moon-demon Nightmare Moon, did so shortly afterward. They all did the same thing. Too much time spent among the winds, or out in the stars, or under the earth, and not enough time with each other. Less and less time each year was spent with their peers. Months became years. Years became decades. Decades became scores.

Even Crom, whom she loved dearly, left her to follow the veins of secrets under the earth, turning into a half-mad, hateful thing that spat and fought her at every turn and endangered their people with earthquakes and sinkholes. She remembered crying as she closed the crypt imprisoning him underground. She hadn't wanted to. She hated herself for doing it. But to save their people, she had to.

Celestia wished she couldn't remember, and that her friends were with her now. That she didn't have to remember. But of course I must... There's no one else left to do it.

"The Court acknowledges First Rose, Exalted Guardian of the Eastern Bower! In absentia."

Celestia closed her eyes and tuned him out.

Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Celestia? Why do you come here every year, hoping against hope to see your friends again? You know that they've been gone for centuries now. Even the Exalted Guardians have gone. So why do you do it? Celestia chewed her lip. Is it masochism? Or are you just an old fool who's finally gone senile?

**you want someone to love you back**

Celestia blinked and looked around. Who had said that? Was there someone else there? Finally?

"The Court acknowledges Silver Sky, Exalted Guardian of the Archback Jet-Stream! In absentia."

Of course not… she thought bitterly.

"The Court acknowledges Steven Magnet, Exalted Guardian of the Everfree River! Welcome, Steven Magnet!"

Celestia's ears perked as she heard the sound of scales slithering across marble. She opened her eyes and saw a towering, vividly purple serpent slither into the Court and settle himself around a seat near the far end of the table. He gave the Princess a short bow and then wiggled his fingers at her in a limp-wristed hello.

She smiled hesitantly back at him and inclined her head.

"The Court acknowledges Autumn Gold, Exalted Guardian of the Appleloosan Plain! Welcome, Autumn Gold!" A dusty grey earth pony, a mare taller and more muscular than most stallions, walked slowly into the Court. She tipped her hat to the Sun Queen in a terse greeting, and then took her place at the very last seat.
    
Celestia frowned briefly. "But, no. No that can't be right."
    
The Herald and both Guardians looked down the long table at Celestia. "Your Highness?" called Steven in his thready, too-high voice. "Is there something wrong, darling?"
    
Celestia stared firmly at Autumn, eyes crinkling with the faintest hint of a glower. "You're not the Guardian of the Appleloosan Plain, Painted Scale is."

The Herald swallowed hard, then looked at the two Guardians, who shrank back slightly and looked at each other. Finally, some long moments later, Autumn Gold squared her jaw and cleared her throat. "Ah, yer majesty? Painted Scale died eleven years ago."
    
Celestia stared blankly. "Then how did you become Guardian?" Her pupils narrowed slightly.
    
Autumn grit her teeth and tugged her hat down over her face to hide the bitter grimace. "...yew Exalted me, yer Highness."
    
Celestia went pale under her white fur as memories washed over her. She remembered attending Painted Scale's funeral with her successor, a young farmsteader, one of the first to settle the area. No, a visitor, come home for the winter. Autumn Gold, she called herself. One of the Apple Clan, that's right. There was... there was something very important I had to do for her, but what? All I remember is a message somewhere. I can't have lost it.

**it doesn't matter she is your subject she must love you regardless**

Celestia tossed her head, as if shooing away a fly. "You're right. I'm sorry." She turned to the Herald. "Continue, please."

He nodded slowly and cleared his throat. "…The Court acknowledges Princess Luna, Three-Fold Equine, Princess of Equestria, Queen of the Moon, Empress of Dreams, Architect of Compassion, Shield of Ponydom. Welcome, Princess Luna! Hail Princess Luna! In absentia." The Herald rolled up his scroll and tucked it into a pouch at his side, then lifted a well-worn spear and slammed its butt into the floor, sending three loud knocks echoing through the Court. "The Court of Immortals is now in session!"

**he's a liar it hasn't been in session in over six hundred years**

Celestia's jaw flexed as her teeth ground against each other, clearly audible in the nearly silent Court. She turned her head slowly and took in the view of her Hall. Whoever had said that…

There, at the end, was Luna's empty throne. Dust had stubbornly collected on the seat, despite the best efforts of the caretaker. Small plants grew in the cracks and had snaked their tiny roots into the marble. Beside it were Steven and Autumn's seats, well-worn and well-used. Autumn had carved something into the table. She couldn't read it from here, but it looked several years old. The rest of the seats after that were in steadily worsening states of disrepair, until they reached the worst at her end of the table. Crom's had been split in half, and had a half-dozen hoofprints gouged into the stone. Boreas had made his of ice, which had long since melted away, while the others had scoured theirs smooth, and were steadily turning to rubble piles.

The floor was in a similar state. More of those odious weeds had grown up between the tiles, bitten off here and there in an obviously futile attempt to control them, while dirt had accumulated in the corners, refusing to be dislodged. The whole Court echoed. It had never echoed before.

Whoever had said it, they were right. I've been a fool, trying to keep something alive that's been gone for centuries. And if Luna's repeated absence is any indication… Celestia bit her lip and looked at the table. "Herald."

"Yes, Majesty?"

"Dismiss the Court." She stood up from her throne and strode toward the entrance.

"Your Highness? What do you mean, 'dismiss the court', sweetheart?" Steven called, his brow knitted with worry. "We haven't even started!"

Autumn Gold stood up, hackles bristling. "So that's it? Yer just gonna waste our time? Again?" Steven laid a hesitant claw on Autumn's shoulder, which she shook off with an angry growl. "Yew Exalted me, an' left me out in that forsaken little spit o'desert away from all mah family, an' now yer just gonna cut me loose?" She hawked and spat, then stormed toward the entrance, calling over her shoulder at the Princess. "Well fine, then. Yew've disappointed me so far, cain't see why this time'd be any different."

"Oh my. Your Majesty, I must apologize for her outburst. She has been having a trying time, as she related to me before we entered, and—"

Celestia lifted a hoof to silence him and smiled sadly. "Thank you, Steven. I understand." She gave one last look around the Court. "Steven, I want you to go home." Her eyes fogged slightly, going distant, as she thought. "Go home. Make what life you can in the forest. Don't come back here." She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. "The Court is dead. There's no sense wasting your time here."

Steven's lower lip quivered as he slithered away from her, hands fidgeting nervously. "But, I, you… O-Of course, your Majesty." He bowed deeply and slithered out of the Court.

**he only pretends you can make him like you he can be your friend you just have to order him**

Celestia shook her head. "Be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about," she said with a low snarl. A haze rippled in front of her, and she swiped at it with her horn, dissipating it.

"…Your Highness? Who are you talking to?"

Celestia blinked. "No one, Herald. It's not important."

Herald walked around in front of her, cradling his ceremonial spear against his shoulder. "Alright, your Majesty. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

She shook her head. "No, Herald. You should leave, too. There's nothing left for you to do."

He looked slowly around the Court as his sovereign stepped around him. He took a deep breath and puffed his chest. "No, Majesty. I think I'll stay right here. I've so much left to clean." He turned around to face her back. "And besides, this place is the only home I know. My father raised me here, and his father, and his father. And so on for generations." He smiled proudly and thumped the butt of his spear against the floor. "You say the Court is gone, but I don't believe you. Not for a moment." He bowed deeply, mane brushing the floor. "I have faith in you, your Highness. So long as you're with us, The Court of Immortals lives." He quickly stood and turned back to the Court.

Celestia stiffened at his words, eyes flicking back and forth among the columns.

**ehehehehe**


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Celestia landed on her balcony just moment after lowering the sun and was immediately greeted by an ever-present and always faithful quartet of guards. She nodded at them in acknowledgement, and then brushed quickly past them, her eyes unfocused and distant.

What is going wrong with you, Celestia? You can't be… be turning. You have your sister with you. You've kept yourself together with your students' help. You're fine. She trotted quickly down the hall to her chambers, ignoring the queries of the guard captain. Silver Hoof, or Sun Flare, or something. She couldn't remember, and frankly, didn't care at the moment.

**that's right everything is fine don't worry**

I just need to relax. A short break by myself to get my head together. You're not turning. You're just stressed. She nosed open the door to the hallway leading her chamber and let it swing closed, nearly trapping one of the guards in it.

Speaking of my students, maybe it would do me good to visit Twilight? She waved away her majordomo, a dark blue pegasus or unicorn who'd come fluttering up beside her with something irritating and trivial and no doubt urgent to the little mare. No, she doesn't need me looking after her anymore. She's a grown mare with her own life. She shook her head, fighting the surge of jealousy that flared in her. I don't need to bother her with little things like a bad day, even if she would make time for me. No. I'll just relax for a few minutes. Maybe a bath. Yes, that sounds good.

**your students would help you**

Of course they would. That is why I picked them in the first place. Why I took students at all. Their naiveté and innocence meant I could groom them to be companions, of a sort, someone I could talk to. Someone I could be friends with. In return, they prospered. Flourished, even. I spared nothing when it came to them. Especially Twilight, my most precious student. But I don't need companions now, because the Rainbow Gambit worked. "I have Luna."

**do you?**

She growled and shook her head. This isn't what she needed. She needed to think about relaxing, not outdated measures to keep Equestria safe from herself. Just a short rest, an hour, at most, to sort myself out. Then, I can return to my people, refreshed. That's all. Just a short break.

**why not longer? they do owe you everything. take two hours. three hours.**

No. Selfishness did not get me this far without the others. I just… I just need a moment, that's all.

Her horn sparked as she shut the door to her bath chamber and locked it. A sigh of relief rolled out of her as she settled into the quiet chamber. This was her place, where no one else could go without invitation. It reflected the Princess' desire for privacy in the choice of decorations. It was free of the overdone, vaulting architecture that plagued the rest of the castle, preferring the more intimate nature of an enclosed space lined with soft carpet and simple tapestries. Fluffy cushions were strewn about haphazardly, piled up or scattered about according to the Princess' whims and needs. Tonight, they sat stacked in a lazy pile in an alcove next to a lacquered cabinet that was kept locked at all times.

She smiled at her little sanctum and walked toward the tub, the one concession to the overwrought designs of the castle beyond. Black granite, polished smooth, surrounded the tub, which was set into the floor so that the lip was flush with the tile. Gold filigree, in the design of a sunburst, ringed the edge. The tub was always filled with water, and was easily large enough to accommodate several ponies of her size. It had, at one point, held every one of the Immortals with room to spare.

Celestia bent her head down and touched her horn to the water, sending a pulse of warmth into it. Instantly, tendrils of steam began snaking away from the surface, filling the room with a bloom of wet heat. She quickly shrugged out of her golden regalia and dropped it in a loose jumble on a nearby cushion. Now naked, she settled into the bath with a satisfied coo of delight.

"This is exactly what I needed…"

She lay back against the edge of the tub with her eyes closed, her mane spreading out across the water like a living oil-slick, and sank below the water until only her head was above it. Steam curled around her muzzle in a tender caress, while the heat worked into her muscles and smoothed away tension and regret and fatigue. She stayed like that for many long minutes before a memory flitted through her head. She cracked an eye and looked across the tub.

Twilight used to play in here when she was little. She'd bring a big bucket of toys and plop it down on the edge of the tub, then very carefully arrange them by size and color. And then the little scamp would gleefully toss them all in and chase them around and make a great big mess of everything.

Celestia smiled at the memory. And then Spike would waddle in, and Twilight would scold him and very gently lower him into the water. She was always so careful with him. She always made sure he had on this ridiculous foam bath-hat to keep the soap out of his eyes, which she wore too, of course. Her eye wandered up to the wood cabinet in the corner. Come to think of it, I still have that silly hat of hers. She'd be absolutely mortified to hear I'd kept it, she thought with a wicked little grin. Her grin softened, taking a melancholy tint as her eye wandered to the cabinet by the wall.

Her horn gleamed as she levitated the small cabinet over to her and undid the magical locks, and then turned to face the edge of the tub to nose around inside of it. More memories flashed as she looked over the contents. There's little Gloaming Mist's favorite tea set. I can't count the number of tea parties she forced the Guard into with it and her great big blue eyes. Twilight's toy battleship. She kept trying to sink me with it, and Spike kept trying to eat it. I don't remember how many times I replaced that silly toy. And Star Streaker's toy sword, too! I thought she'd taken that with her when she left in… when I buried her with it nearly a hundred years ago.

Bittersweet feelings rose up in her breast as she took them out of the cabinet and laid them reverently on the floor. Minty Gales' kazoo, with which he terrorized all of his other tutors, and me, at all hours of the night, she thought with a dry smile. And Redhoof's favorite painting palette, which he gave to me when he… when he died.

**your students can still help you.**

She looked deep into the cabinet, at the very back of the highest shelf. There, tucked in a corner, was an ancient stone box. Celestia floated it down to the ground and opened it carefully. Inside were two clay dolls. One was painted white and pink, the other shades of blue. They were crude, but the emotions she felt when she saw the ancient dolls were as vivid as when she first received them, so many thousands of years ago. If anything, they were sharper.

Luna gave these to me, before we became Immortals. She worked so hard on them, even as difficult as it was back then. She wanted to give me something so we'd never forget each other. As if I could ever forget her. Tears welled in her cheeks as she cradled the ancient toys against her chest. How long had it been since she'd seen these? Decades? Centuries? She hadn't even thought of them until now.

**play with them. remember their love for you. they haven't gone.**

That's right. As long as I have these treasures of theirs, they'll never leave me. She gently placed the two dolls next to the tea set and arranged the other toys around it. A tight smile tugged at Celestia's lips as she carefully poured imaginary tea for each of the participants. This is so… silly. If anyone should see me, I… Well, I suppose they wouldn't do anything. They'd all be too afraid that their Princess was losing it. Even Luna would probably just turn her nose up at playing with dolls now.

**but not your students. never your students. they loved you, and always will.**

She nodded slowly as she lifted the teacup to her lips and took a noisy play sip. My students would never think ill of me. They love me, and always have.

**And we always will, Princess Celestia,** spoke Redhoof's palette.

Celestia bowed to it. "Thank you, Redhoof. I'm so glad to hear you say that."

**Princess? Could I have another cup? I'm ever so thirsty,** called Gloaming's teacup.

The Sun-Princess nodded and poured her another cup, smiling at the pleased sounds the little cup was making. "There you are my dear student. Let me know if you need anything else."

**Thank you so much, Princess!**

"Please, call me Celestia. You've all earned that right, after all." She smiled as Twilight's battleship waved a cannon. "Yes, Twilight. Even you," she cooed, tenderly running a hoof across the battleship's prow.

**No, Prin—Celestia! I was gonna ask if I could ride on your shoulders again after the party! You did promise yesterday I could, and you told me a pony always keeps her promises,** she said primly.

Celestia nodded. "Very good, Twilight. You've been learning well. Now, I did promise, but you have to remember that—"

**'Tia? You're not going to go back on a promise now, are you?** Luna's clay doll teased her, its eyes twinkling with mischief. **Just think how it would break the poor filly's heart not to have a ponyback ride from her dearest friend.**

Celestia rolled her eyes, but her smile widened as she picked up the little battleship. "Oh, very well. Come here you little goofball." She gently placed the toy in her mane, where it snuggled into the strands with a whoop of glee. Celestia leaned her head back to nuzzle its bridge and tuck it securely against her neck.

**What about me, Celestia? I wanna ride, too!** Minty's kazoo jumped up and down eagerly. **Can I have a ride, too?**

**You may as well let him, 'Tia. They're not going to sit still unless you give them a ride.** Luna lifted her teacup to her muzzle and sipped daintily at the imaginary brew. **Mmm… I have to hand it to you, Streaker. You make an excellent pot of tea.**

Streaker's sword blushed and hid its pommel against the side of Mist's teacup. **Th-thank you, your Majesty…**

Celestia smiled brightly at her students and her sister as she placed the aging kazoo on top of her head. A laugh bubbled out of her as it strutted around between her ears.

**I'm King of the world! Nothing can stop me now!** cried Minty.

**Nuh-uh! Princess Celestia is Queen of the World! You're just a student, Minty!** Twilight angrily waved her little cannons at the kazoo.

**You're just jealous that I get to sit up here, while you're all the way down there.**

"Now students, don't fight. Both positions have something to offer, remember," Celestia said in a soothing voice. "Up there, Mist, you can see forever, and always know what's coming. You have the advantage of foresight." She turned toward the battleship. "But down here, you get the intimacy of being close to a friend you love dearly. Down here, you'll always be close to those you love." She smiled as she placed a kiss on the battleship's prow.

Mist hopped down into Celestia's mane and snuggled in on the opposite side. **I wanna be close, too!**

Luna smiled an enigmatic smile as she poured herself another cup of tea.

**Princess? Celestia?**

"Yes? What is it, Redhoof?"

**If it's alright, I'd like to ride in Princess Luna's mane.** The palette shuffled awkwardly, its edges turning red with embarrassment.

**Alright, sweetheart. I'll let you ride on my mane if you want.**

Celestia smiled as the palette eagerly leapt onto Luna's back.

A tinkling broke the mood.

Celestia looked down. On top of Luna's doll was a wooden palette, heavy with old paint. The doll was cracked and broken, with the head and ears scattered, and all four legs snapped in several places. How had it—she looked down at her hooves, where dust from the palette rested. Horror sank its claws deep into her heart as she pressed herself against the floor beside the broken doll.

"Oh. Oh no… no no no no no no."

She gingerly slid the palette off of the doll and scooped the pieces into her hooves. Powder dusted the soles as the edges of the ancient doll rubbed against each other and began to crumble. With a startled cry, she lifted them with her magic and set them back on the floor. "What… what is going on?"

Celestia's eyes darted around, pupils shrunk to pinpricks. She felt something nudge against her cheek, and she brushed a hoof against it. "What… why am I wearing toys in my mane? Why— what am I doing?" Tears ran freely as she looked around the room. "Who was I talking to? There isn't anyone else here. There can't be! Then—"

Realization hit her.

Celestia curled up against the side of the tub and laid her cheek against the cold gold inlay. Her trembling hooves covered her face as her mind raced.

She was going. She was turning. She could feel it. She remembered everything now. How could she have forgotten it all? Was this a symptom, too? Would she remember anything of herself when she changed? She could see it all. Everything. Autumn Gold's message to her children. The hundreds of times her staff had covered for her when the madness crept over her, causing her to forget in the middle of running the country. All the faces she'd forgotten, the names that had blurred together.

Everything she'd worked for would be undone. Her sister wouldn't be strong enough to oppose her. She'd never get to see Crom again. All of her ponies, all of her people, would… she didn't know what would happen. She couldn't think of what she would do. The Elements of Harmony would have to be used against her, but would they work? Could they do their magic a second time? Would they even get a chance to use them? No. Not if Twilight was forced to see her like this. A madmare.

That was nearly the cruelest stroke of all. The one pony in the world she could talk to like a friend, or whom she hoped could, who had given her back her sister, who had given her everything and more, kept Celestia sane, and thereby kept Equestria safe would… She'd have to pull the trigger. There's no way I could force her to do that. There's no way she would be able to.

A piece of paper rustled against the stone chest as the contents shifted. Celestia glanced up at it and turned pale under her fur. She reached out and brushed it with a hoof, her gorge rising in her throat as she read the words on the yellowed page.

If only she were stronger… If she were stronger, wiser, better, none of this would have happened. She would never have had to do the things she had done.

**But it did. And you did. And it's all your fault. Now you get to terrorize everyone. Everyone who's ever looked up to you, worshipped you, adored you.**

"N-No…"

**Loved you.**

**All the sacrifices you made, and that they made for you, you get to spit on them. You finally get to take your proper due. All because you weren't strong enough. Now, you get to be more.** And then the voice was gone, leaving Celestia alone with the mocking echo of her laughter in the Court ringing triumphantly in her ears.

Tears flowed freely down Celestia's face as she cowered against the side of the tub, beating her hooves against her ears to drown out the exultant laugh only she could hear. The only sound in the chamber was Celestia sobbing into her wings.